AM I WHAT?

It was one of those weekends that are funfilled. I got back to my hotel at 7am and I headed straight to my room. I hadn’t even taken my shoes off when I heard a knock on door. It was the receptionist asking me to come see her ‘chairman’ who really wanted to see me. Curiosity killed the cat and I went to see ‘chairman’. I walked into the lobby and I am face to facewith this man who is probably in his late fifties or early sixties. I look at him from head to toe taking in the wrinkled skin, fat nose, black unorganised lips and the nine months pregnancy where his stomach should have been.

“Hello lovely”

“Good morning Sir” yes I said sir.

“How are you beautiful?”

“Im good thank you. You?”

“I’m great. I am the owner of this hotel. I saw you yesterday but I was a bit busy so I couldn’t speak to you. I like you, I want to be your boyfriend”

I’m thinking boy what? You have to be kidding me. This isn’t the guy I’ve been praying for so I just laughed.

“I’m actually serious. In fact what are you doing now? Let me get another room for us to relax.” Oshey Ozone relaxer.

“No thank you Sir. I’ve been clubbing all night. I’m too tired for any sort of relaxation.”

“AH tired keh? Are you sure you were clubbing” he asked laughing. I’m looking at him like where is the joke?

“Are you going back to school today baby?”

“No Sir”

“AH that’s good then. OYA Emeka come and take her order.I’im sure she hasn’t eaten”

(In my head Im singing come and join me sing hallelujah. I really should have turned this down but a girl included some extras to the order). I thanked “chairman” and I left.

Fastfoward to 7pm that day.I’im in a Chinese restaurant having dinner with some friends and chairman calls me (unfortunately I gave him my number. I tend to give out numbers and block people when they turn out to be pests). He makes sure I’m still in Lagos and he asks to see me later on. I eventually get back to my hotel room and the bed makes me forget any such plans. At 11pm, I hear chairman asking my friend where I am. He is talking and shouting at the same time.

“Where is your friend? I made her stay back and I’m paying for this for nothing”. This is absolutely false as girls had already settled the bill so i let the air-conditioning caress me back to sleep.

Later in the week, chairman called me and this confusing conversation ensued.

“You!! You’re lucky there is no police station around. I would have you locked up”

“Excuse me? On what grounds?”

“Come on! You played me and ran away. If you know what is good for you, enter a cab and start coming to Lagos”

“No money for that Sir. NO, no plans for that. I would do no such thing”

“Stop playing this girl. Money kwa? Whats your business with money? It’s like they didn’t tell you who I am. Money is not a problem at all at all. I really like you and want you to be my girlfriend”

uh you just threatened me right now mister man.

“We’ll see”

“ENHE, I wanted to ask you a question. Dont be angry oh”

“Okay I’m listening”

“Are you circumcised?”

“Hello? I think another call cut in. What did you say?”

“Circumcised nah. Are you circumcised?”

Moku Modaran, you said?

“No Sir. I’m not.”

“AH I said don’t be angry oh. I really like girls who are circumcised. I sha like you like that so its fine.”

I had a brain wave and Iabruptly ended the conversation.

Female Circumcision, you mean female genital mutilation. The things men would do to ‘get some’. It sounded like rituals to me to be honest. case closed. I didn’t bother picking any calls from the animal. That man is actually somebody’s father. I’m weak.

 

A rusty note I

THIS IS A BIT AKWARD. I haven’t written in ages because I’ve been trying to find myself. I’m still trying but I am in a better place than I was at the beginning of the year. I really can’t describe what 2016 has been like but that’s not why I’m up by 1:30 am pouring my emotions into words.

People always say that the opinions of others mean nothing to them. Uhmm… okay. Not me. I feel like there is a certain extent to which what people say about you should matter. For instance you have a terrible personality. How do you know if you don’t get feedback? I made a wonderful new friend this semester. I honestly love this girl but because of this friendship, people think I am a ‘runs girl’. I think my brain shut down for a while when I heard this. Apparently, this friend of mine has introduced me to the “parole” business. There is definitely no truth in this because I find paid sex very disturbing. The thing is I’ve heard these stories, how do I act on them? Do I cut off this friend or forget the reputation that precedes her and let that dent my own reputation? I really can’t describe how good this girl has been to me. She literally goes all out when I need help and I thought hanging out with her was not a big deal till I started hearing things like

“Yo, that girl you’re hanging out with is dangerous”

“She is one of those Lagos big girls, you ought to be careful”

“She gets involved with all kinds of men. Single and married, you name it”

TO BE CONTINUED.

BLACK NOVEMBER.

bn

My generation is relatively protected from the past. We know but we do not really understand. This movie  tells the story of one of the struggles of the past and indeed the present. The fight against oil spillage is something people of the Niger Delta have always fought for. This movie by Jeta Amata explains it all. I have always wondered how the rampant kidnapping the south-south came about, why these men did not want to work but were looking for a bail out. This explains it (somehow).

Oil spillage kills crops, wild life, fishes plus I’m sure it has negative health effects. Nigerians will always take advantage of situations. The people in this village took advantage of the leakage and used it but they also reported the leakage, tried to stop it . Many of them died for this.

images

Ebiere Perema became their advocate.

bn2

This true story took place in the military era and these people were not afraid. It’s very ironic that as a democratic state we sweep things under the carpet and look the other way. Money changes hands, case closed. We try to fight for our country but when nothing changes; people get tired, fold their arms and just watch. Jeta Amata is a legend for this movie. This just gives me so much inspiration. We need to learn to fight for the right causes, not just the fleeting things of life. My generation just wants to “chill” and go for parties. Release that song and get ten million naira. Get your nails done and he brings a brand new SUV home to you. “Kpansh” everyone they can. Nobody thinks generational. The ones interested in politics are all about the money. Who then is going to save Nigeria? We need to wake up, grow up and start making plans for the future. We need to take matters into our hands and lessen the struggle for future generations.

The cast of the movie is amazing. Mbong Amata, Hakeem Kae-Kazim ( I just love this man. His singing in “Inale” was too hilarious) , Eyinnaya Nwigwe, OC Ukeje, Vivica Fox, Fred Amata, Wyclef Jean, Akon, Nse Ikpe-Etim, Razaaq Adoti and many more. The passion in the movie was real. The music was good (Doro  Dorobucci). It’s a 2012 movie but it is still amazing. Its available on amazon, iTunes, VOD. Look for this movie and feel what I felt.

STUCK II

“Ib, why are you crying?” Emelia asked.

“I’m not,” she answered, hurriedly cleaning her tears.

“What do you mean by you’re not, I can clearly see that.”

“Oh well. It’s Kunle.”

“Which Kunle? Wait! The married man Kunle?”

“He is not married yet.”

“But he will be in a month.”

“I don’t care!”

“See this girl oh.”

“I love him.”

“Shoro niyen?” Emelia laughed, “He is engaged and is marrying that girl next month and you sit here saying you love him. You better wake up and smell the roses.”

“Emelia, please I didn’t tell you for you to start bad mouthing him”

“Hmm, you have clearly lost it.”

* * *

“I hope you can see a doctor soon, we have to get back to work as soon as possible. Lunch break is almost over,” Emelia said glancing at the nurse’s station, “Who are you calling?”

“Kunle,” Ib replied.

“For what again?”

“He is the man in my life. I tell him everything,” she replied frowning.

“Man? Don’t make me laugh.”

“I’m calling him anyway.”

“As you wish.”

Ib called Kunle five times but he didn’t answer. The sixth time he did.

“Ib, why are you calling me? I told you specifically not to call me this week. What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m very sorry; it’s an emergency.”

“Emergency koh! That’s how you women lie to get attention.”

“Ah! Kunle!”

“Don’t waste my time woman!”

“I am at the hospital, my asthma worsened this weekend.”

“Just imagine,” he mumbled, “So why exactly are you telling me? Are you a baby? I should carry you on my back? I gave you money last week. Take care of yourself.”

“Kunle? Kunle?” “He hung up,” she informed Emelia, smiling weakly.

“Tell me, what exactly is it about this guy that you really like?”

“Well he is good-looking, well-connected, rich,” Ib said smiling enchanted, “he will help my future.”

“I beg your pardon, he will ruin it. Look at what he is doing when you’re not even married.”

“It’s my turn to see the doctor,” Ib got up and left.

Why am I still helping this foolish girl? Emelia asked herself.

***

Ib walked into the office she shared with Emelia. She sat down and sighed heavily.

“Are you ok?” Emelia asked with a weary smile.

Ib said nothing but took off her sun glasses.

“My gosh! He has added beating to it now?”

“No oh. He was angry. I was being inconsiderate.”

“There is no excuse.”

“He said he is sorry. We were talking, that’s why I’m late.”

Emelia hissed loudly, “What were you being inconsiderate about?”

“I was insisting that we get married before I start giving birth,” She replied, bowing her head.

“Ha! Wonders shall never end. This is real African science. Giving birth? Have you lost your mind?”

“What? Isn’t that what women are to do?”

“Are women also meant to be beaten? Ignored? Treated like filth?”

“We have planned our future,” she replied turning away.

“What future are you talking about?”

“He will send me to London. I have never left Nigeria before. You see what I was telling you?”

“London to do what?”

“He will marry me there. It’s going to be a secret though, then he will be visiting the children and I .He will send money every month.”

“Are you listening to yourself? To the rubbish you’re spitting?”

“We have decided already.”

“So this is how your life will be wasted? After all the money and prayers spent on you.”

“Look Emelia! It’s ok! I’m just telling you because we are friends. Keep your opinion to yourself.”

“It’s very sad indeed that we are friends. You’re STUCK in this mess!”

STUCK

*** I will write my thoughts on both stories later on. Pardon my imperfect writing skills.***

“Girl, you won’t believe what I found out today,” Amy said as she entered the room.

“What is it again Amy?” Folashade asked wearily.

“Oh, that’s how it is now? It’s alright.”

“I’m sorry, what did you find out?”

Amy hesitated,” Kolade lied to you. Again.”

Fola rolled her eyes and paused the movie she was watching on her laptop. “Why won’t you leave Kola and I alone? Why do you always have one story or the other?”

“What does that mean?” Amy asked offended, “I’m only trying to look out for you.”

“Thank you but I don’t need it.”

“It’s disgusting you know, how you stand up for him. He f**king dated Angela and broke up recently and is trying to wreck her current relationship. I have proof,” Amy shouted. Her bulgy eyes looked even bigger, “Why are you with this guy anyway? There are better people everywhere, why him?”

Fola sat silent, holding her head in her hands. She raised her head slowly and looked at Amy. She got up from her bed, picked her phone up and walked out.

“Fola! Folashade! Na wa oh.”

* * *

“Why are you so moody this madam? Hasn’t bae called?” Tife asked with a puzzled look on her face.

Fola had a nasty scowl and hissed at Tife.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Amy asked laughing

“She has been looking at her phone like a lost puppy. It can only mean one thing.”

Fola got up, halfway to the bathroom; turned around and started crying.

An extremely shocked Tife walked up to her and embraced her, “What’s going on girl?”

“We broke up. He broke up with me.”

“WHAT!!”

“When?”

“Why?”

“We were fighting about a minor issue. It was his fault though, he started it. Next thing you know he says it will not work, let’s end it. I can’t believe it, it happened so fast.”

“I warned you about him. Countless times.”

“Amy this isn’t the time. Watch your mouth.”

“Then he said he was just joking. I told him the joke was too expensive and he did not reply,” Fola sobbed quietly. “I love him Amy I do. Too much; I don’t want anybody else.”

* * *

“This weekend is going to be so boring,” Amy said as they left the last lecture they had on Thursday.

Fola smiled, “Not for me,” She twirled, “I’m going to Kola’s house for the weekend.”

Tife pulled her back, “What did you say?”

“What’s the big deal?” Fola asked laughing.

“The big deal is that Kola keeps playing with you.”

“No, that was before. We are cool now. Every couple has their issues.”

“Issues koh.” Amy said.

“I would discourage you but I know you never listen. Do as you wish. Unfortunately we will be here however it ends.”

* * *

“Fola really? It’s almost a month since Kola broke up with you. Again.”

“Leave me alone Amy,” She said angrily, “We will get back together. I love him. I know we will.”

“Yeah but when? 2020? Get real girl.”

“Must you always be a hater? Our love was real!”

“A hater no. A realist yes,” Amy paced the room as she spoke, “He still manages to manipulate you even now.”

“That’s not true!”

“Truth? Are we talking about truth now? Your relationship had no truth whatsoever, he is just stringing you on,” Amy sat in front of Fola,”He is just leading you on, to use you whenever he wants.”

Fola began shedding silent tears,” I can’t Amy, I can’t. I’m STUCK with this feeling”

“Totally unbelievable.”

Forgiven

Last semester in school, a close friend of mine said some pretty terrible things about me simply because I did not want to dance to his music. I heard things from different people and I really felt betrayed ( and I cried lol). I can laugh about it now (not really) but it was painful. I wanted to cut him off permanently not because he said it but because he kept lying and tried to shift the blame to someone else . We kind of resolved this but I did not let go of it. It resulted to this :

It’s funny how things change in a split second 
You doubt yourself 
Your friends
Your family 
But God reminds you what’s important 
The people that laugh today 
Will cry tomorrow 
Mouths open in disbelief 
It’s easy to sit behind the safe wall you think you have 
And judge others
Point out their flaws
She’s local
We ‘tushed’ her up 
Why do you hang out with her 
She’s not up to the ‘standard’
She don’t talk right
She don’t walk right
She isn’t the perfect figure 
Who knows her anyway 
Oh how I laugh
It’s only but a while 
Closer than you know. 

Yesterday, I prayed about it and it’s forgiven. Took me a long time and takes other people even longer. Speak words of love. Share peace and kindness. I’m trying to but it doesn’t mean anyone can step on me. I am trying really hard to achieve a greater level of self love. Self love does not mean you are better than everyone else but that you know who you are, believe in who you are and are proud of God’s creation that is you. Self love it is.

Something is right.

I look at my life and I find so many things that are wrong. Oh I don’t have this, I want that, this is depressing, how do I keep up with that. Flaws upon flaws but I sat today in church and the wonderful pastor said, ” It doesn’t matter what’s wrong around you, something is right”. I just hung on to that.
There are so many people that do not have what you do. The life you live that you dislike, want to get away from. Someone somewhere is begging for that, wishing to have a taste of that. They would not mind having your clothes even if you have worn them for ten years. The school you attend that you just detest, someone wanted admission there and did not get it. The house you feel you have lived in too long, that family of ten living in a one room apartment would not mind living there forever.
Something is right in your life. The wonderful family you have is more than enough. Even if your family is not wonderful, you are being taken care off. Some people have no one in the entire world. That friend that makes you smile. The talent you have. The things you love doing. Everything that gives you joy. Something is right. Be happy.